Relapses

-

I have been MIA for a couple days. And for those couple days, things went really well. I stayed under my calorie goal, and I even worked out (WHOA).

Until...

I had a VERY bad past 24 hours. Very bad.

I had a staff meeting at this Mexican restaurant across the River after work yesterday. I sit down, and think to myself, “I will have a peach daiquiri and no chips. Then get dinner at home.” So I get my drink and we are all talking and having a lovely time. Then I think “Ok, I will have some chips and just another daiquiri.” Then I was good for a bit….until the Karaoke and sitting at the bar happened. Then I had a shot. And a glass of wine. And then 2 rum and diets.

Then the really bad part: a Wendy’s chicken sandwich combo meal. Yea. That happened.  And HOLY FUCK did I pay for it in the middle of the night. I haven’t eaten any crap for a almost a whole week. I mean I was eating really nice quality food. Homemade, not much processed shit at all.

All the sudden I wake up with major stomach pain. Like I think I am going to explode. I proceeded to get quite sick. I go back to bed and pass out for another couple hours.

I had to be up and leave major early this am (7:30…early for a Saturday) to go out to Fulton, MO for a sorority meeting. I am the Finance Advisor for a chapter of my sorority out there, and I knew I probably wouldn’t get home until 8pm.  So I brought some food with me to try to keep it together for the day.

It started out ok. And as time went, it just got worse, and worse, and worse. There was candy, pizza, and to end the day: Arby’s.

I feel so sick right now that I might never eat again. I told Travis how bad I had been, and he said he didn’t feel bad that I was so sick. He said I did it to myself. And he is so right. Sooooo so right.

Soo sick. So so sick.

It's a dark time.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Hmm....

-
I had a bad Sunday and Tuesday this past week, so I really wanted to be good the rest of the week. Friday I was sadly not good. I could kick myself. Several things happened... Ok so at school I am putting on a abridged production of the musical Annie. It is about 30 minutes long with nice simple choreography and songs. We had auditions on Friday, and those went REALLY well and the actual audition part was fun. The casting part, however, was not fun. Two things happened during this process: 1) A parent brought us in lunch, which were personal pizzas. 2) I was stressed out of my mind because I was going to have to make some hard decisions that I knew would make some of the kids sad, which in turn made me sad. So with these two things together, I proceeded to stress eat almost the whole personal pizza.I don't even remember eating it. I ate while we made the hard decisions. Terrible idea. I ended up having 6 people who didn't get the parts they really wanted. I announced
Read more

Shit 'bout to get real: The Insides of Stress Eating

-
So the past 24 hours have been torture. It's not what you think. I am not having stupid cravings fueled by psychotic dreams of Cheese recently. I have eaten really well, even gone to the gym and worked out. I didn't gain too much weight after this week of "I get to eat more loosely since the challenge is over and I should reward myself."...honestly though most of the cheating came from the fact that I was STELLAR with food last week, not giving into any cravings or allowing myself an inch.That kind of behavior usually results in my going crazy not long after, eating all the chocolate in sight (see Cadbury Mini Eggs of Shame below...) Anyways... The torturous aspect comes from the fact that my anxiety has reared its ugly head, despite taking my meds on the regular. Last night was a lot of tossing and turning, laying in bed obsessing over work, the stresses that come with it, and other life junk. I haven't obsessed like this on regular meds in...well...ever.
Read more