Easter is over...thank god...

Last week I had a weak moment. I was coming home from work and I realized I needed gas. I rejoiced in this realization because the gas station I go to is right next to Walgreens. I knew that with Easter being over, there would be a big sale on Easter candy, and that there might be a chance to get some Cadbury Mini eggs one last time, and get them on the cheap. Double bonus. 

So I decided to go to Walgreens first so I could eat candy while the gas pumped. I went in and looked at the nail polish (another vice and addiction I have...that story is for another day...) and I then meandered over to the Easter isle. No Cadbury Mini Eggs. Damn it. They DID have some big Cadbury chocolate filled eggs though. So I picked one those up, a thing of Swedish Fish Easter Eggs, a bag of Easter Candy Corn, and a Russell Stover Carmel Egg. I usually get Cadbury, but they didn't have any caramel ones left. I also found a solid Dove Chocolate Easter Bunny.

Listen to me...I sound like a wine afishinado picking out fancy wines....Justine McNeilly: Candy Afishinado.

Anyways. So I get the candy and began eating as my gas pumped. As I am eating, realizing I am not 100% sure I am actually enjoying it, I have a flash back to high school watching that crazy eating disorder movie in health class. You all know the one I am talking about. The girl who would go to grocery stores far away and frantically fill her cart with Oreos and chips, then drive to a closed park at night and eat it all while listening to tragic music. Then would puke into jars and hide them in her closet? I am sure everyone had to watch this epically terrible movie. 

Well as I sat in my car I realized I was stressfully binging on candy. So I put it down. Didn’t finish the caramel egg because it TOTALLY wasn’t worth it. I pull into the garage at home and decide to keep the left over candy in my purse. 

The next day, Travis and I needed to go to the grocery store to get food for a dinner party we were going to through on Saturday. I drove us there, and as I got out of the car to go into the store, I realized how heavy my purse was with all the candy. Now mind you, by this time it was just ½ a bag of candy corn and half of a mutilated Easter bunny. None the less though, it was heavy. 
 
So I am walking around Shnucks with this heavy ass Shame Purse full of candy, wondering if Travis is going to notice my bulging ass purse. Or if he picked it up, he would be like “DAMN why is this shit so heavy??”

So we get all the veggies we need and proceed to the meat section. We are looking for pork tenderloin and can’t find it. I walk over to the meat counter to ask if they have any and I feel like my purse has gotten ten times heavier. The guy behind the counter says no and I hobble back over to Travis to deliver this distressing news. We go over to the dairy department because last time they didn’t have any Schnucks brand string Cheese, and I have been going through some mega Cheese withdrawals. Then we head to the check out.

By this time, I feel like the candy had begun burning holes into my purse just like those crazy diamond stones in Indian Jones and the Temple of Doom. I half expected the checker lady to start chanting “Galimah!! Galimah!!” when she handed us our receipt, and for the baggers to be shirtless chubby men swinging their arms above their head, and the music playing over the loud speaker of the grocery store. 

To truly understand, watch this clip…except instead of a heart coming out of a chest, it would be candy coming out of my purse.

 

So needless to say, I wanted to get the FUCK out of the grocery store.


So we get in to car, and I go to put my purse to the floor by his feet but drop it and it lands up side down, sending stuff flying. He says some comment like “Ahh! Things flying everywhere!!” and I start to pick things up and plop the purse in my lap. I can go on no more. I turned and looked at him with sheer defeat. He looked bewildered, asking what was wrong. 

So I slowly took out the candy corn and put it in his lap. He started to laugh. I stopped him and told him there was more. And I shamefully took out the dilapidated chocolate bunny and put it with its forbidden friend the candy corn.


I told him "I was worried about it the whole time we were in the store!!! My purse was so heavy with SHAME!!!"

He laughed, kissed me, told me he loved me, and started to eat the Candy Corn. 


I am so happy Easter is over…