Holidays...could have been worse on the food front.
Ok so, I wasn't as bad over the holidays as I have been in the past. I was surprised. But I haven't lost any weight. I actually gained two pounds. I weigh 227 pounds. There is it people. I said it.
It seems like I loose weight, then gain back more so I weigh more than before I lost it. So now I am scared to loose weight again and then gain back even MORE the next time.
How do I stop a "next time" from happening??? GUH.
I started taking Pole Dancing classes. They are the business. I got an entire body work out last class. The pain was good. The pain was there for three whole, wonderful days. I also got my first pole bruises. Very exciting stuff.
Sometimes I work out. Some times I stretch. Sometimes I THINK about taking Maddie on a crazy long walk (3 miles, same as the 5k) with weights on my ankles (this has not yet left the thinking stages...bring on spring weather and we shall see.)
But here is what else is happening. I feel like I am being a crazy bride about my weight. I have now had two separate dreams about my wedding day sneaking up on my and not having lost any weight. It. Is. Annoying. This is not what I want to worry about on my wedding day. I don't want ot dread looking at the wedding photo's after it all is said and done.
I don't WANT to dislike my body!! I want to like my body just because it is mine. I have this obnoxious little voice that always says "Holy crap girl, you are Bavarian sausages as arms. Break out that BBQ."
Then I think "Why try? Why try to not eat the things I LOVE just so I can look different."
I want to lose some weight to feel better about the way I look, but I also really don't want my pancreas to peace the hell out and yell at the top of its lungs "Make your own damn insulin Bavarian Sausage arm girl!!", then jump a plane with it's little pancreas sized suitcases to Jamaica and eat tons of mac n cheese while drinking yummy things in a cozy chair on the beach. While staring at ripped men.
And their ripped pancreases.
I have not gone to the gym in FOREVER. I totally became one of those people that gets a membership and stops going-just like I said I wouldn't. Just like how I wasn't going to become one of those people with an elliptical at home that they would never use.
I have worked out several times at home. I just need to make it more regular. I need to take my shit slowly. Work out twice a week, pole once a week. Try like hell not to eat tons of crap.
Also, update more. And read some stuff about healthy living.
You know. With all that extra time I have.
It seems like I loose weight, then gain back more so I weigh more than before I lost it. So now I am scared to loose weight again and then gain back even MORE the next time.
How do I stop a "next time" from happening??? GUH.
I started taking Pole Dancing classes. They are the business. I got an entire body work out last class. The pain was good. The pain was there for three whole, wonderful days. I also got my first pole bruises. Very exciting stuff.
Sometimes I work out. Some times I stretch. Sometimes I THINK about taking Maddie on a crazy long walk (3 miles, same as the 5k) with weights on my ankles (this has not yet left the thinking stages...bring on spring weather and we shall see.)
But here is what else is happening. I feel like I am being a crazy bride about my weight. I have now had two separate dreams about my wedding day sneaking up on my and not having lost any weight. It. Is. Annoying. This is not what I want to worry about on my wedding day. I don't want ot dread looking at the wedding photo's after it all is said and done.
I don't WANT to dislike my body!! I want to like my body just because it is mine. I have this obnoxious little voice that always says "Holy crap girl, you are Bavarian sausages as arms. Break out that BBQ."
Then I think "Why try? Why try to not eat the things I LOVE just so I can look different."
I want to lose some weight to feel better about the way I look, but I also really don't want my pancreas to peace the hell out and yell at the top of its lungs "Make your own damn insulin Bavarian Sausage arm girl!!", then jump a plane with it's little pancreas sized suitcases to Jamaica and eat tons of mac n cheese while drinking yummy things in a cozy chair on the beach. While staring at ripped men.
And their ripped pancreases.
I have not gone to the gym in FOREVER. I totally became one of those people that gets a membership and stops going-just like I said I wouldn't. Just like how I wasn't going to become one of those people with an elliptical at home that they would never use.
I have worked out several times at home. I just need to make it more regular. I need to take my shit slowly. Work out twice a week, pole once a week. Try like hell not to eat tons of crap.
Also, update more. And read some stuff about healthy living.
You know. With all that extra time I have.
Comments
Post a Comment